“I can’t pay the rent this month.” Dave said as a matter of fact.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean there was a family emergency, and they need it more than I do. Family has to come first, Rich.”
“Dave I can see into your room.” Richard leaned to the side, looking over Dave’s shoulder. A pile of bags of Cheetos to the waist.
“What do you need 200 family sized bags of Cheetos for?”
“146 to be exact, Rich. And it’s a religious tradition.
We fill up a small pool of Cheetos, each of us bringing exactly 146 bags, and drop one single apple core, from an apple eaten by Mother’s best hog,
we all dive in the pool and whoever finds it gets a smooch from aunt Agnis.”
His voice floated like a cloud when he spoke her name.
“Not only did you spend your rent on 146 bags of Cheetos,
but you bought these Cheetos so you could kiss your aunt.”
“Woah. Woah.. don’t be a pervert Rich. It’s aunt Agnis, not just any aunt. The billowy, voluptuous, roaming the halls late at night in nothing but a bright red, revealing night gown Aunt Agnis, and this year she will be mine.”
Dave pauses to look off in the distance like an action hero.
“She will be.”
“I just..” Richard’s face turned pale, and his forehead dripped with sweat. “Don’t understand.”
“Maybe it’s time you sat down Dick.”
Bending over to sit down: “It’s Rich, asshole.”
It was then that she walked through the door. Like a kayak on unsteady waters, her hips swayed, and with them, as did the rest of her. Swaying through the door, red lipstick. The only thing I can stand to describe without an extra pair of underwear on hand. She was voluptuous, she was billowy… in the right places.
She was I-chee Wowa.
“I hope you’re not talking to my favorite nephew that way.” Dave turned red.
The heels made a slight clicking sound against the wooden floor.
“Uhm. No. Ma’m. I wouldn’t. I would never.” He nearly keeled over and died right there.
“You better not be.” She pivoted on her heel indicating she was finished.
“Excuse me.” He said it quietly, but.
“Is there any way I could join in tonight’s festivities?” He tried to talk like he’d imagine Hue Hefner would.
“I’m sure that won’t be a problem, Dave.”
She said his name.
“Did you remember the Apple core?” Dave half smiled, the eroticism recognizable at any distance.
“The apple core?”
“Well no one can kiss you without the Apple core.”
“What the hell are you talking about Dave?
I’m not going to kiss you.” She looked distraught.
He looked past her and saw Richard snickering in the far corner of the room.